Clipping for Cleavage

My front is not well-adorned. It never will be without resorting to surgery or wearing a hot, sweaty, padded bra. I have yet to answer a seedy ad in the back pages of a magazine offering enhancement.

Despite a lack of rack, you can fake a cleavage line with chest muscles. Building muscle may not create more actual boob, but it beefs up the line down the center giving the “illusion of boob.” Instead of running to the gym to squeeze a weight machine with my elbows, I clip bushes. I clip shrubs too. The forward chopping motion works the chest muscles. Pruning a hedge develops décolletage and shapes the hedge at the same time. When I pick up my long shears each spring, I wink at my husband and tell him I’m going clipping for cleavage.

In general, wait to try pectoral pruning until after a shrub has flowered. Don’t choose to chop most Hydrangeas or they won’t flower well next year. Look up your bush in a book before you clip to make sure to do it right.

Photo by my mum Susan

Get A Free Greenhouse

Starting seeds indoors during February makes spring arrive more quickly for me. The smell of fresh potting soil tricks my senses into believing that gardening season has begun. Checking daily for the tiny green sprouts to emerge helps pass the time and gives me something to look forward to.









I have found a way to feel a little “greener” by using a recycled container as a mini greenhouse. Last year, I read the inside label of my plastic egg carton while waiting for an omelet to cook. A cute picture and a quick snip-it described how to use the egg carton to grow seeds. I tried it immediately and it worked like a charm. The individual egg capsules have a rounded top and bottom that provide the perfect level of moisture retention. Since then, I buy eggs in the plastic packs and save them in my basement. I should have enough recycled greenhouses to start all my seeds in this year, both annual and vegetable.

To make a recycled greenhouse, fill the base of each plastic egg carton with seed starter mix. Water the soil thoroughly. Press a seed into the dirt of each cup. Close the lid, place in a sunny window and watch your garden grow. Water once or twice a week before the soil gets dry. Seedlings are like any other kind of baby; they need constant hydration to flourish. Water gently however. A harsh pour displaces seeds and new roots. I find that heavily misting the open roof of the greenhouse helps keep tender seedlings in place. After the roof is closed, the water slowly beads off, soaking deep into the soil like drip irrigation.

The seedlings will eventually reach the roof of the greenhouse. Keep the roof open once the tallest near the top. Then water traditionally, straight into the soil. Move each plant into its own pot when they seem sturdy and have several true leaves. “True leaves” grow after the first two seedling leaves and often look different. A soup spoon works perfectly to lift each plant from its pod. After using the egg cartons, wash them out and either use them again or place them in the plastic recycling.

Take at least a week to “harden off” young plants once the weather warms. Place the plants outdoors in the shade for a little longer everyday, starting with 20 minutes at midday. End the week by placing the plants in the morning sun, in addition to the shade, for the last few days. A good rule of thumb is to wait until Memorial Day to plant outside permanently, to be sure all frost has passed. Give it a whirl. Save money on seed starting kits and bring spring to your house a little earlier.

Don’t Just Take My Word for It

Gardening makes you healthier, happier and live longer. Many reputable institutions have published studies proving just that. Recently, famous cardiologist and frequent Oprah guest, Dr. OZ published some of this evidence on his RealAge website (RealAge.com). In the article The Hobby that Leads to a Longer Life Dr OZ says “Know which hobby has probably added years to the longest-lived people in the world? It’s gardening. Okinawins – whose men typically live to age 78 and women to age 86 – have a long tradition of working the soil…Older Okinawins are active gardeners and walkers.”

National Geographic writer Dan Buettner studied the areas of the world where people live the longest. In his book The Blue Zones: Lessons for Living Longer from the People Who’ve Lived the Longest, one of the common factors he found was gardening. “It’s a source of daily physical activity that exercises the body with a wide range of motion and helps reduce stress” he wrote.

According to Charles Downey who wrote the RealAge.com article Gardening for the Health of It, "an hour of gardening can burn as many calories as a 3-1/2 mile walk.” I think that an hour of gardening is actually better since you can cross off 2 things from the "To Do" list at the same time. For example, you can exercise and get the leaves racked or clip the shrubs in your yard. Many claim to hate exercise for just for exercise sake. Many like the idea of ‘functional’ exercise – exercising while getting something done.

I love to garden. But, just like most people, I frequently fall to sweet and fatty temptations. To make the expert opinions above more real, I matched the calories burned from several garden tasks with the equal calories of some favorite guilty pleasure foods.

General gardening = 272 cal/hr = Starbucks® Whole Milk Latte

1 hr pushing power powered lawn mower = 374 cal/hr = Snickers® bar + glass of wine

Digging = 340 cal/hr = 2 slices thin crust cheese pizza

Trimming shrubs and trees = 306 cal/hr = 2 regular beers

Weeding = 306 cal/hr = McDonalds® regular cheeseburger

Planting seedlings = 306 cal/hr = 4 homemade choco-chip cookies

Raking the lawn = 272 cal/hr = 1 cup Kozi Shack® rice pudding (full fat!)

Walking while watering = 102 cal/hr = 1 can Coke® classic

All activity calorie and food calorie equivalents were found on the Calorie Count website (CalorieCount.about.com).

My favorite example is the lawn mowing. I figure that I could mow the lawn, have a glass of wine afterwards and still be ahead of the game because I didn’t eat the Snickers® bar.

Gardening burns calories aerobically, but it also builds muscle through weight-bearing activities. Most people have heard by now that weight lifting prevents heart disease and osteoporosis. According to the Gardening for the Health of It article mentioned earlier, a University of Arkansas researcher studied 3,300 women over fifty and found that only one other activity equaled the benefits of pumping iron in the gym – gardening!

Stay tuned to this blog for great gardening muscle moves like “Clipping for Cleavage” and the “Day Lily Deep Knee Bend.”